Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker: Oh, boy...

(Warning: In order for me to give this my full and complete opinion, I'm afraid I must spoil the events of the movie. Go watch the film and form your own opinions)

Continuing her training in the ways of The Force with Leia (Carrie Fisher), Rey (Daisy Ridley) joins Finn (John Boyega) and Poe Dameron (Oscar Issacs) in trying to find a way to the Sith planet of Exagol, where sits a somehow still-alive Emperor Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid), who has conscripted Kylo Ren (Adam Driver) into doing his bidding by searching for and killing Rey, offering up a new fleet of planet-destroying ships as reward.

     If this were a video, this would be the part where I let out a long, painful, weary sigh. I'd likely have my head in my hands and just let out one more deep, exhalation of frustration before going into my thoughts on this movie. I felt I had to go to see this movie twice in order to make sure I had all my ducks in a row when it came to presenting my arguments for how I feel the way I do about this movie. I honestly don't think I'll ever really be ready, but to hell with it. Here goes nothing.

     Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker is an absolute mess. Imagine leaving a clean room behind, something someone could take and make good use of. You leave a pristine work of art behind, even if it may not be to everyone's liking. And the previous tenant comes back and decides to party like an old 80's rock band on its farewell tour. Full of sound and nostalgia that, while pretty to look at at times, leaves behind a disarrayed curtain call. You walk in and find the janitorial equivalent of a bomb going off. Scattered food all over the floor. An overturned couch. Underpants  hanging on the lampshade. Paper plates full of what you hope are Spaghetti-O's smeared all over the walls and television set. 

     Originally, I didn't want to think this movie had used The Last Jedi as an outhouse when it came to its themes on "anyone can be a hero" and "you are not beholden to your lineage." But when you have Kylo Ren yammering about how Rey is Palpatine's granddaughter and having "his power," the case is tough to argue against. I won't say it inflamed my passions like it has many across the internet, but I understand the reasoning behind many detractor's gripes. JJ Abrams had a toy box full of good, working, perfectly fine characters to use and make a great story out of. He seemed content to just bring along a broken, busted old toy and make everything all about that. This is the biggest missed opportunity in franchise history. When you have the supposed finale of a forty-year-long story, you need to stick the landing. You need your A-game. Saying that this movie's writers brought their Z-game would be too generous.

     I could sit here and add to the pile of nitpicks like "Who the hell would purposefully have a child with Palpatine" or "How did he build hundreds of thousands of ships manned by, one assumes, millions of people on one single planet over three decades" or even "When did Poe have time to be a Spice Runner?" Or go into the hackneyed tragic backstory of Rey's parents being killed by a Palpatine henchman after they sold her into slavery in secret (even if it was to protect her from the power-mad fuck, it's still wrong) because when it comes to Disney and dead parental units, this is the way. Being related to one of the galaxy's most vile and villainous mass murderers to ever breathe air is enough of a gut-punch, but learning your parents, who apparently weren't drunks according to the briefest of flashbacks, sold you into slavery only to be killed for hiding you in the first place?

     Hey, future filmmakers! Want to make your two hour epic move by quickly? Edit the pacing of the story like a rabbit on meth! Sweet Buddha in a Buick, this movie moves way too fast. Literally lightspeed skipping from one scene to the next with very little time to breathe before we can even settle into the Macguffin hunt for little dark triangles that point the way to Exagol where Palpatine is hiding out, chilling with his massive army of  planet-killing Star Destroyers, just announcing to everyone that he's back like a Twitch streamer that no one liked who had to take a break due to "personal reasons."

     Before I go further, I want to talk about the things that I DID like about this movie because they do exist and I want to give credit where it's due. Daisy Ridley, John Boyega and Oscar Issacs have great chemistry together. I'm truly saddened it took two movies in a trilogy to finally get more Rey/Poe interactions. They argue like they're best friends or, if one was so inclined, a polyamorous relationship. I'd be fine with either scenario, really. The action scenes were well filmed, choreographed and exciting to look at. Star Wars does love its gigantic space battles that are actually decided by individual actions of space sorcerers instead of actual strategic planning. Babu Freek was a funny little marketable character to watch.

     It was nice to see Billy Dee Williams return as Lando Calrissian and watching him in the cockpit of the Millenium Falcon at the climax. It was also nice to see Mark Hamill as Luke in a nice cameo role for one scene as Rey tries to exile herself for all of five minutes. And I always enjoy seeing Carrie Fisher onscreen. Due to her untimely demise in 2016, it's a miracle we got as much of her as we did in this film.

     I liked the idea of other Stormtroopers leaving and defecting from The First Order to make their own settlement and help The Resistance. I wish they did more with that premise. Janna, while an interesting character, is given not much else except being put by Finn's side, which Kelly Marie Tran's Rose could've easily been placed and done just as much. That being said, we need much more WOC representation in science fiction and pop culture in general so it's not that big of a deal. Maybe they'll do something with the new characters like Janna, Babu Freek and Zorii Bliss. Be a shame if this is the only installment we see them in, given so little time to flesh out their stories.

     Bringing back Palpatine and making him the end boss for the entire saga, especially given his demise at the end of Return of The Jedi, was the biggest mistake this film made. Especially when you make him Rey's grandfather. It robs Rey of her overcoming the feeling of being "no one from nothing." Even when it tries to go for the message of family not necessarily being blood, it stumbles and falls on its face into a row of tire spikes. The Peanut Butter Falcon did that theming a lot better. Also, making yet another old guy Kylo Ren's mentor, even going as far as hinting that Leia, through the force, influenced her son to turn back to the light just robs the character of any sense of agency and taints his attempted redemption arc, which is a whole other mess I don't have the energy to get into.

    Writing this has caused me headaches, stress, and no end to disappointment. I wanted to like this movie. I really tried to like this movie. But the more I thought about it, the more I looked back on it, the more I found it lacking. Even trying to justify things in-story felt hollow to me because the story itself was shattered by trying to put a square peg in a round hole. After this, if it isn't something new or having to do with the excellent Disney+ series The Mandalorian, I am washing my hands of this whole mess and moving on to trying to watch better movies.

Happy New Year, everyone.

CATS: Peanut Butter And Jellicles

Every year, the Jellicle cat tribe has what they call The Jellicle Ball. In it, Jellicle cats sing Jellicle songs to the Jellicle leader Old Deuteronomy (Dame Judi Dench) and she decides which Jellicle cat gets to Jellicle go to the HeavySide Layer Jellicle for a new Jellicle life. But Jellicle the wicked Macavity (Idris Elba) wants to make sure he is chosen, by Jellicle hook or Jellicle crook.

     Tired of hearing the word Jellicle yet? That's kind of how I felt after the first few minutes of CATS. I swear, if they made a drinking game of the number of times that that one word was spoken, the audience would be dead from alcohol poisoning before the finale. In terms of overexaggerated hyperbole when it comes to this film, that's about the best I've got for you. I didn't outright hate this film. I got over the supposed "uncanny valley" CGI humanization of the feline characters rather quickly. There seemed to be genuine effort and skill put into this production and all of the performers seemed to be giving it their all and having a blast doing so. There's just one simple problem. I just didn't care.

     I had never seen CATS before so I went into this movie hoping for, if not a good story, then something so-bad-it's-awesome in just how spectacularly it fails. Hey, the trailers made it look like it look like at least the latter, right? Well, what I came away with was a bunch of characters being introduced to me, having their personalities and traits sang to me and then oh, look at the time gotta hurry along to the next character and musical number and yes, they ALL get musical numbers. Some characters even get two!

      In terms of concepts, it's certainly unique and not without ambition, but in terms of making a solid narrative structure, it's found wanting. And this is with the film adding more structure into the story than the stage play has, as I've been told. The lack of a strong narrative made it difficult for me to get invested in these characters and their goals. It's not that I don't get it. I just didn't care about any of the characters. It's not that a story can't be found in this musical. It's that the production never seems all too interested in telling us about it. They're content to just speed through song after song like a Spotify playlist in the Speed Force.

     I've seen all of the hand-wringing. I've heard the over-dramatized ballyhooing. I've noticed the hype of this movie being likened unto peeling back the thin veil of this reality to simply glance at the totality of the dark underbelly of this universe and going mad from the revelation. To all of this, I simply say. This isn't that crazy. Is it an odd choice? Yes, but CATS is not a conventional musical production in a multitude of ways. It's basically Andrew Lloyd Webber putting music and dance numbers to T.S. Elliot poetry. It's one thing to not like the movie, and that's perfectly fine. But is it the worst movie of the year? Serenity would like a word with you.

     My friend Matt, who saw this with me, is a fan of the musical, having seen it back in San Francisco many years ago. He explained it thusly: "People don't go to see CATS for the story, they see it for the dancing and the music." And I will give credit where it's due, the dancing numbers and music are very well composed and performed. Francesca Hayward, a ballerina in the Royal Ballet at London's Convent Garden, is an amazing dancer with near-perfect body control and the ability to mimic cat-like movements. What little acting she did here won't light the world on fire, but not a whole lot of standard non-singing acting was given to anyone.

     Jennifer Hudson's rendition of "Memory" was the highlight of the movie. She brings power, emotion and depth to her vocals and for a brief moment, she seemed the most compelling character on-screen. Everyone else seemed like they were at least having a good time, especially Idris Elba's Macavity. Ian McKellen and Judi Dench do the best they can to class up the place while James Corden and Rebel Wilson are there to be James Corden and Rebel Wilson and if that's your thing, that's cool.

     I would like to note that, as of the writing of this article, I have not seen the new "update" version of CATS. I have no plans on seeing it, either. Mainly because it won't really effect or change my opinion on my enjoyment or lack thereof of this movie. Also, this kind of sets a dangerous precedent that studios can just rush out unfinished films and then "patch" them later so they can have folks pay to watch the same movie twice trying to play "Spot the effects change!" I'd say I sure hope that studios don't adopt the video game plague upon mankind that is "Crunch" (corporate practice that abuses computer-animation/game programmers to work almost 24/7 to rush projects to market before they're even finished or tested). But then it's corporate studios and if there's a way for them to make all of the money right now, workers well-being, either physical or mental, is no object.

     That all being beside the point, CATS is definitely an experience. Not one that engaged me particularly well, but I did find things to appreciate about it. The bombastic music and terrific dance numbers are as good as advertised, but I guess I was just hoping for more story meat on the bones of this Jellicle. If you have a chance to see it, do so with fresh eyes and perspective.

Jumanji: The Next Level In More Of The Same

Three years after their first adventure in the magical world of Jumanji, Bethany (Madison Iseman), Fridge (Ser'Darius Blain) and Martha (Morgan Turner) have all reunited in their hometown of Brantford.Conspicuous by his absence is Spencer (Alex Wolff) who came home to spend the holidays with his mom and grandfather Eddie (Danny Devito). Eddie's former friend and business partner Milo (Danny Glover) comes by to reconcile but it rekindles a bitter disagreement. As Bethany, Fridge and Martha try to find Spencer, they realize that he has somehow returned to the world of Jumanji and go in after him. But, unbeknownst to them, Eddie and Milo have been brought along for the ride.

     I rewatched Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle  in preparation for this and to keep things fresh in my mind. It's a pretty fun, if basic, adventure/character piece that gets good performances out of its star-studded cast. (I could watch Karen Gillan kick-ass to "Baby I Love Your Way" all day everyday but that's beside the point).Jumanji: The Next Level is more of the same, which if you liked the first movie, will be a welcome treat.

     This time around, Dwayne Johnson gets to try out his impressionism skills as he spends the majority of the movie playing Danny Devito's character Eddie in the body of  Dr. Smoulder Bravestone. He affects a stereotypical Brooklyn stereotype accent and complains a bit, acting completely oblivious to the game world around him except for when it's time for him to jump into action. Kevin Hart returns to play Danny Glover's Milo, giving him a slower but deliberate cadence. After a while, it does become a bit grating, but it's likely by design since they do have an in-story method of switching the previous players to the original bodies and putting the newer players into new playable characters. After a while, it basically just becomes a game of "guess which character is playing which other character."

     That all being said, the film's humor is heavily reliant on the interactions between the characters as well as the elderly Eddie and Milo trying and failing to adjust to their new surroundings; So, much like most elderly people thrust into playing a video game. It helped to endear the characters and provide them with growth beyond their usual roles in reality. While the same is hinted at for a good portion of the running time, it's interesting that they chose to have the characters switch avatars into things supposedly more suited to them.

     Also, I know that characters tend to have arcs in these kinds of stories, but with Jumanji, both "Welcome To The Jungle" and "The Next Level" have an almost be an extreme form of therapy for many of the characters. Though in the case of both Alan Parrish and Alex Vreek (played here once again by Colin Hanks and Nick Jonas in reality and game respectively), it sets about it in the most traumatizing and psychologically brutal ways possible. But, and this occurred to me in the writing of this article, that the entire plot hinges on one of the main characters not being willing to talk to his friends. In fact, both Spencer and Eddie apparently have the familial trait of insecurity and grumpiness when it comes to their friends having grand life adventures or doing well in college.

     Much like the movie, aside from some fun interactions, as well as a brief backstory bit on Bravestone's parents stereotypical tragic origins (with Dwayne Johnson playing Bravestone's father), there isn't a whole lot to talk about with this movie. The themes are nakedly apparent as well as easily resolved once people actually stop to have an honest conversation. There's still fun to be had, but hopefully in the next installment (because there is sequel bait at the mid-credits point) will have something a little more substantial than just magical therapist with extremely loose ethics on boundaries.

Queen & Slim: Making A Modern Myth

     "Slim"/Ernest (Daniel Kaluuya) and "Queen"/Angela (Jodie Turner-Smith) start their evening like every other ordinary pairing: meeting at a diner after a Tinder match up. In any other world, they might have just had the one dinner date and never spoken to each other again. An overzealous and bigoted cop pulls them over, which results in his death via self-defense. Knowing the "justice system" will not look favorably on their involvement, Ernest and Angela decide to make a life or death trek across the country in order to flee the country, but not before learning their tale has made an impact on more lives than they could even imagine.

     I want to make something clear from the beginning. I have no education in Black history, iconography or culture. I am well aware that our economic, judicial, and even societal systems have been prejudiced against people of color for far too long and they desperately need to be overhauled, if not dismantled and rebuilt entirely. If anything, this movie is but one more example in media of the disparity in social justice. It may not reach everyone or affect them the same way, but it does provide a means to look into a culture that wants, needs and deserves more heroes and representation.

     This movie feels like an example of modern day mythology. Not in that the events that set off the story didn't happen, far from it. But that people see the events unfold and craft narratives from the aftermath. The media and police calls them criminals. Some people call them revolutionaries. Bokeem Woodbine's character, Queen's uncle Earl, jokingly declares them the new "Bonnie & Clyde." From outside perspectives, the pair have become infamous outlaws shirking the authority of a system that, often times, doesn't need an excuse to brutalize and oppress people of color.

     But as we travel with the perspective of both Queen and Slim, played with energy and real chemistry with Jodie Turner-Smith and Daniel Kaluuya, respectively, we find that they don't see themselves as icons or legends. The filmmakers remind us that these are scared shitless people who are trying to escape a bad situation. They constantly worry about being tracked down and caught, keeping one eye open almost at all times. Their journey only pausing in brief respites between stops on their way trying to flee the country. It's discussed that, had a twisted stroke of fate not interfered, they never would've gone on a second date. 

     The couple's unexpected and newfound notoriety spurs to action protests across the nation, particularly in a young man who makes a rash mistake, even if borne of genuine and deserved outrage. When Slim and Queen learn of this, they're shocked that their actions have led others to such ends. "We didn't want this" Queen protests when asked if they told the young man to take up arms against police officers. It showcases the unforeseen and tragic ways that people can take inspiration from people who've suffered legitimate injustices. Unfortunately, it's rushed along as the movie approaches its finale.

     By a technical standpoint (as much as I can tell, anyway),the tone of this movie sometimes takes wild and sharp turns from intensely serious to farcically comedic. There's a scene, right after a very scary showdown with a sheriff, where the leads go to a restaurant, pay a kid to go get them food, and when they are about to leave, run over the same child's father, who's talking them up as revolutionaries. All the while being taken to the hospital for the broken leg they caused. There's another scene where ErnestAs I had stated earlier, the last few minutes feel a bit rushed to getting into the climax. There's also pauses in the story that some might consider unnecessary, but I thought were at least decent character moments. I also found an interesting detail that despite the title, neither Ernest nor Angela are called Slim or Queen respectively. And we don't find out their birth names until the very end of the movie. But the film plays out in such a way that it almost doesn't matter.

     Legends aren't born, they are crafted by the hands of fate. When that happens, sometimes the only thing one can do is ride the wave, even when you know it'll crash violently against the rocks. And you hope you have a great tale for others to tell. It is through legends passed down through generations and the important lessons their lives teach that people truly are immortalized.

Frozen 2: Show Yourself Into The Sequel

     Three years have passed after Anna (Kristen Bell) and Elsa (Idina Menzel) reconciled and opened the gates of the castle to the people of Arendelle, the sisters celebrate Autumn with their subjects. But a mysterious voice calls out to Elsa. As she heeds the voice, the kingdom is besieged by elemental spirits who force the townspeople to flee town. Elsa and Anna must find out the connection of the voice with Elsa's powers and an enchanted forest to the north of Arendelle. Also Kristoff (Jonathan Groff) and Olaf (Josh Gad) come along.

     In the interest of full disclosure, I had not seen Frozen until this past Saturday in preparation for this movie and review. I'm glad I was able to go into this with fresh eyes and the previous film still fresh in my mind. That all having been said, I can say I get that why this IP has become as popular as it has. Even if its use of subverting conventional Disney tropes is a bit passe at this point, it is still an engaging, heart-warming story of sisterly love and learning to live without fear of others or of yourself. Frozen 2 shows that not everyone is strong enough to face their fears, but everyone has the capability of overcoming them if they are willing to.

     This time, we have songs about Autumn, being yourself, a Peter Ceterra-style power ballad about not knowing where you stand in a relationship, maturity, and so many more songs. If you like songs with a lot of musical numbers then Frozen 2 has more than its fill. I'd venture as far to say there's at least two too many. Elsa gets at least two big musical numbers, (Into The Unknown, Show Yourself) and they both feel important to the story on top of just being really good songs.

     The story this time around does expand the world of Arendelle somewhat, revealing an enchanted forest full of magical forest spirits and perhaps the secret behind Elsa's powers. We see that the conflict is not a particular villain they have to fight, which is pretty refreshing for a Disney movie, in my opinion, but the same enemy as before: fear. The entire theme of the story appears to be exploration and conquering fears of the unknown or that you don't readily understand.

     Watching both movies back to back, it occurs to me that the Frozen movies are, first and foremost, character movies. They focus more on the growing and developing relationships with Anna and Elsa and their respective friends circles. While Frozen was a bit more heavily focused on Anna repairing her bond with Elsa as well as finding what real love actually is, this time around Elsa gets the bulk of the heavy lifting with the onus of the story being how she gained her abilities as well as finding out more about her and Anna's parents.

     Kristoff and Olaf, for the first two acts, seem to simply tag along in order to remind us they're there, though Olaf's constant rambling about "water having memory" does provide some plot critical information later. Kristoff's only major contribution seems to be Lost In The Woods, the aforementioned 80's power ballad. It's a hilariously cheesy and over the top scene but I also get where he's coming from. He thinks highly of Anna and wants to propose but isn't quite able to get the words out properly, leading to, admittedly, groan-inducing misunderstandings between the two. He's a little insecure and unsure about himself because he finds himself struggling to keep up with someone who can challenge, if not surpass him. It's relatable but I don't think the movie really gets a chance to dig too deep into it.

     That's something of a flaw in Frozen 2. There's a rich, deep story beneath the glacier of potential, but the storytellers seemed to want to give us a small tidbit of it, not digging in too deeply into the world being built. We're introduced to the Northuldra, a Native American-esque tribe that resides in the enchanted forest and we're given virtually nothing about their history, their ancestry. All we're told is that they live in balance with nature, which is how some can commune with or harness the forest spirits. But once the mission is underway, them as well as Kristoff vanish for a good chunk of the movie.

     For the most part, I enjoyed Frozen 2, it's a good, logical continuation of the story of Anna and Elsa, changing from one status quo to the next. If I'm being honest, though, I'd either conclude the story here or maybe fast forward the story a few years. Or at the very least, explore the history of Arendelle a little bit more.