Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker: Oh, boy...

(Warning: In order for me to give this my full and complete opinion, I'm afraid I must spoil the events of the movie. Go watch the film and form your own opinions)

Continuing her training in the ways of The Force with Leia (Carrie Fisher), Rey (Daisy Ridley) joins Finn (John Boyega) and Poe Dameron (Oscar Issacs) in trying to find a way to the Sith planet of Exagol, where sits a somehow still-alive Emperor Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid), who has conscripted Kylo Ren (Adam Driver) into doing his bidding by searching for and killing Rey, offering up a new fleet of planet-destroying ships as reward.

     If this were a video, this would be the part where I let out a long, painful, weary sigh. I'd likely have my head in my hands and just let out one more deep, exhalation of frustration before going into my thoughts on this movie. I felt I had to go to see this movie twice in order to make sure I had all my ducks in a row when it came to presenting my arguments for how I feel the way I do about this movie. I honestly don't think I'll ever really be ready, but to hell with it. Here goes nothing.

     Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker is an absolute mess. Imagine leaving a clean room behind, something someone could take and make good use of. You leave a pristine work of art behind, even if it may not be to everyone's liking. And the previous tenant comes back and decides to party like an old 80's rock band on its farewell tour. Full of sound and nostalgia that, while pretty to look at at times, leaves behind a disarrayed curtain call. You walk in and find the janitorial equivalent of a bomb going off. Scattered food all over the floor. An overturned couch. Underpants  hanging on the lampshade. Paper plates full of what you hope are Spaghetti-O's smeared all over the walls and television set. 

     Originally, I didn't want to think this movie had used The Last Jedi as an outhouse when it came to its themes on "anyone can be a hero" and "you are not beholden to your lineage." But when you have Kylo Ren yammering about how Rey is Palpatine's granddaughter and having "his power," the case is tough to argue against. I won't say it inflamed my passions like it has many across the internet, but I understand the reasoning behind many detractor's gripes. JJ Abrams had a toy box full of good, working, perfectly fine characters to use and make a great story out of. He seemed content to just bring along a broken, busted old toy and make everything all about that. This is the biggest missed opportunity in franchise history. When you have the supposed finale of a forty-year-long story, you need to stick the landing. You need your A-game. Saying that this movie's writers brought their Z-game would be too generous.

     I could sit here and add to the pile of nitpicks like "Who the hell would purposefully have a child with Palpatine" or "How did he build hundreds of thousands of ships manned by, one assumes, millions of people on one single planet over three decades" or even "When did Poe have time to be a Spice Runner?" Or go into the hackneyed tragic backstory of Rey's parents being killed by a Palpatine henchman after they sold her into slavery in secret (even if it was to protect her from the power-mad fuck, it's still wrong) because when it comes to Disney and dead parental units, this is the way. Being related to one of the galaxy's most vile and villainous mass murderers to ever breathe air is enough of a gut-punch, but learning your parents, who apparently weren't drunks according to the briefest of flashbacks, sold you into slavery only to be killed for hiding you in the first place?

     Hey, future filmmakers! Want to make your two hour epic move by quickly? Edit the pacing of the story like a rabbit on meth! Sweet Buddha in a Buick, this movie moves way too fast. Literally lightspeed skipping from one scene to the next with very little time to breathe before we can even settle into the Macguffin hunt for little dark triangles that point the way to Exagol where Palpatine is hiding out, chilling with his massive army of  planet-killing Star Destroyers, just announcing to everyone that he's back like a Twitch streamer that no one liked who had to take a break due to "personal reasons."

     Before I go further, I want to talk about the things that I DID like about this movie because they do exist and I want to give credit where it's due. Daisy Ridley, John Boyega and Oscar Issacs have great chemistry together. I'm truly saddened it took two movies in a trilogy to finally get more Rey/Poe interactions. They argue like they're best friends or, if one was so inclined, a polyamorous relationship. I'd be fine with either scenario, really. The action scenes were well filmed, choreographed and exciting to look at. Star Wars does love its gigantic space battles that are actually decided by individual actions of space sorcerers instead of actual strategic planning. Babu Freek was a funny little marketable character to watch.

     It was nice to see Billy Dee Williams return as Lando Calrissian and watching him in the cockpit of the Millenium Falcon at the climax. It was also nice to see Mark Hamill as Luke in a nice cameo role for one scene as Rey tries to exile herself for all of five minutes. And I always enjoy seeing Carrie Fisher onscreen. Due to her untimely demise in 2016, it's a miracle we got as much of her as we did in this film.

     I liked the idea of other Stormtroopers leaving and defecting from The First Order to make their own settlement and help The Resistance. I wish they did more with that premise. Janna, while an interesting character, is given not much else except being put by Finn's side, which Kelly Marie Tran's Rose could've easily been placed and done just as much. That being said, we need much more WOC representation in science fiction and pop culture in general so it's not that big of a deal. Maybe they'll do something with the new characters like Janna, Babu Freek and Zorii Bliss. Be a shame if this is the only installment we see them in, given so little time to flesh out their stories.

     Bringing back Palpatine and making him the end boss for the entire saga, especially given his demise at the end of Return of The Jedi, was the biggest mistake this film made. Especially when you make him Rey's grandfather. It robs Rey of her overcoming the feeling of being "no one from nothing." Even when it tries to go for the message of family not necessarily being blood, it stumbles and falls on its face into a row of tire spikes. The Peanut Butter Falcon did that theming a lot better. Also, making yet another old guy Kylo Ren's mentor, even going as far as hinting that Leia, through the force, influenced her son to turn back to the light just robs the character of any sense of agency and taints his attempted redemption arc, which is a whole other mess I don't have the energy to get into.

    Writing this has caused me headaches, stress, and no end to disappointment. I wanted to like this movie. I really tried to like this movie. But the more I thought about it, the more I looked back on it, the more I found it lacking. Even trying to justify things in-story felt hollow to me because the story itself was shattered by trying to put a square peg in a round hole. After this, if it isn't something new or having to do with the excellent Disney+ series The Mandalorian, I am washing my hands of this whole mess and moving on to trying to watch better movies.

Happy New Year, everyone.

CATS: Peanut Butter And Jellicles

Every year, the Jellicle cat tribe has what they call The Jellicle Ball. In it, Jellicle cats sing Jellicle songs to the Jellicle leader Old Deuteronomy (Dame Judi Dench) and she decides which Jellicle cat gets to Jellicle go to the HeavySide Layer Jellicle for a new Jellicle life. But Jellicle the wicked Macavity (Idris Elba) wants to make sure he is chosen, by Jellicle hook or Jellicle crook.

     Tired of hearing the word Jellicle yet? That's kind of how I felt after the first few minutes of CATS. I swear, if they made a drinking game of the number of times that that one word was spoken, the audience would be dead from alcohol poisoning before the finale. In terms of overexaggerated hyperbole when it comes to this film, that's about the best I've got for you. I didn't outright hate this film. I got over the supposed "uncanny valley" CGI humanization of the feline characters rather quickly. There seemed to be genuine effort and skill put into this production and all of the performers seemed to be giving it their all and having a blast doing so. There's just one simple problem. I just didn't care.

     I had never seen CATS before so I went into this movie hoping for, if not a good story, then something so-bad-it's-awesome in just how spectacularly it fails. Hey, the trailers made it look like it look like at least the latter, right? Well, what I came away with was a bunch of characters being introduced to me, having their personalities and traits sang to me and then oh, look at the time gotta hurry along to the next character and musical number and yes, they ALL get musical numbers. Some characters even get two!

      In terms of concepts, it's certainly unique and not without ambition, but in terms of making a solid narrative structure, it's found wanting. And this is with the film adding more structure into the story than the stage play has, as I've been told. The lack of a strong narrative made it difficult for me to get invested in these characters and their goals. It's not that I don't get it. I just didn't care about any of the characters. It's not that a story can't be found in this musical. It's that the production never seems all too interested in telling us about it. They're content to just speed through song after song like a Spotify playlist in the Speed Force.

     I've seen all of the hand-wringing. I've heard the over-dramatized ballyhooing. I've noticed the hype of this movie being likened unto peeling back the thin veil of this reality to simply glance at the totality of the dark underbelly of this universe and going mad from the revelation. To all of this, I simply say. This isn't that crazy. Is it an odd choice? Yes, but CATS is not a conventional musical production in a multitude of ways. It's basically Andrew Lloyd Webber putting music and dance numbers to T.S. Elliot poetry. It's one thing to not like the movie, and that's perfectly fine. But is it the worst movie of the year? Serenity would like a word with you.

     My friend Matt, who saw this with me, is a fan of the musical, having seen it back in San Francisco many years ago. He explained it thusly: "People don't go to see CATS for the story, they see it for the dancing and the music." And I will give credit where it's due, the dancing numbers and music are very well composed and performed. Francesca Hayward, a ballerina in the Royal Ballet at London's Convent Garden, is an amazing dancer with near-perfect body control and the ability to mimic cat-like movements. What little acting she did here won't light the world on fire, but not a whole lot of standard non-singing acting was given to anyone.

     Jennifer Hudson's rendition of "Memory" was the highlight of the movie. She brings power, emotion and depth to her vocals and for a brief moment, she seemed the most compelling character on-screen. Everyone else seemed like they were at least having a good time, especially Idris Elba's Macavity. Ian McKellen and Judi Dench do the best they can to class up the place while James Corden and Rebel Wilson are there to be James Corden and Rebel Wilson and if that's your thing, that's cool.

     I would like to note that, as of the writing of this article, I have not seen the new "update" version of CATS. I have no plans on seeing it, either. Mainly because it won't really effect or change my opinion on my enjoyment or lack thereof of this movie. Also, this kind of sets a dangerous precedent that studios can just rush out unfinished films and then "patch" them later so they can have folks pay to watch the same movie twice trying to play "Spot the effects change!" I'd say I sure hope that studios don't adopt the video game plague upon mankind that is "Crunch" (corporate practice that abuses computer-animation/game programmers to work almost 24/7 to rush projects to market before they're even finished or tested). But then it's corporate studios and if there's a way for them to make all of the money right now, workers well-being, either physical or mental, is no object.

     That all being beside the point, CATS is definitely an experience. Not one that engaged me particularly well, but I did find things to appreciate about it. The bombastic music and terrific dance numbers are as good as advertised, but I guess I was just hoping for more story meat on the bones of this Jellicle. If you have a chance to see it, do so with fresh eyes and perspective.

Jumanji: The Next Level In More Of The Same

Three years after their first adventure in the magical world of Jumanji, Bethany (Madison Iseman), Fridge (Ser'Darius Blain) and Martha (Morgan Turner) have all reunited in their hometown of Brantford.Conspicuous by his absence is Spencer (Alex Wolff) who came home to spend the holidays with his mom and grandfather Eddie (Danny Devito). Eddie's former friend and business partner Milo (Danny Glover) comes by to reconcile but it rekindles a bitter disagreement. As Bethany, Fridge and Martha try to find Spencer, they realize that he has somehow returned to the world of Jumanji and go in after him. But, unbeknownst to them, Eddie and Milo have been brought along for the ride.

     I rewatched Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle  in preparation for this and to keep things fresh in my mind. It's a pretty fun, if basic, adventure/character piece that gets good performances out of its star-studded cast. (I could watch Karen Gillan kick-ass to "Baby I Love Your Way" all day everyday but that's beside the point).Jumanji: The Next Level is more of the same, which if you liked the first movie, will be a welcome treat.

     This time around, Dwayne Johnson gets to try out his impressionism skills as he spends the majority of the movie playing Danny Devito's character Eddie in the body of  Dr. Smoulder Bravestone. He affects a stereotypical Brooklyn stereotype accent and complains a bit, acting completely oblivious to the game world around him except for when it's time for him to jump into action. Kevin Hart returns to play Danny Glover's Milo, giving him a slower but deliberate cadence. After a while, it does become a bit grating, but it's likely by design since they do have an in-story method of switching the previous players to the original bodies and putting the newer players into new playable characters. After a while, it basically just becomes a game of "guess which character is playing which other character."

     That all being said, the film's humor is heavily reliant on the interactions between the characters as well as the elderly Eddie and Milo trying and failing to adjust to their new surroundings; So, much like most elderly people thrust into playing a video game. It helped to endear the characters and provide them with growth beyond their usual roles in reality. While the same is hinted at for a good portion of the running time, it's interesting that they chose to have the characters switch avatars into things supposedly more suited to them.

     Also, I know that characters tend to have arcs in these kinds of stories, but with Jumanji, both "Welcome To The Jungle" and "The Next Level" have an almost be an extreme form of therapy for many of the characters. Though in the case of both Alan Parrish and Alex Vreek (played here once again by Colin Hanks and Nick Jonas in reality and game respectively), it sets about it in the most traumatizing and psychologically brutal ways possible. But, and this occurred to me in the writing of this article, that the entire plot hinges on one of the main characters not being willing to talk to his friends. In fact, both Spencer and Eddie apparently have the familial trait of insecurity and grumpiness when it comes to their friends having grand life adventures or doing well in college.

     Much like the movie, aside from some fun interactions, as well as a brief backstory bit on Bravestone's parents stereotypical tragic origins (with Dwayne Johnson playing Bravestone's father), there isn't a whole lot to talk about with this movie. The themes are nakedly apparent as well as easily resolved once people actually stop to have an honest conversation. There's still fun to be had, but hopefully in the next installment (because there is sequel bait at the mid-credits point) will have something a little more substantial than just magical therapist with extremely loose ethics on boundaries.

Queen & Slim: Making A Modern Myth

     "Slim"/Ernest (Daniel Kaluuya) and "Queen"/Angela (Jodie Turner-Smith) start their evening like every other ordinary pairing: meeting at a diner after a Tinder match up. In any other world, they might have just had the one dinner date and never spoken to each other again. An overzealous and bigoted cop pulls them over, which results in his death via self-defense. Knowing the "justice system" will not look favorably on their involvement, Ernest and Angela decide to make a life or death trek across the country in order to flee the country, but not before learning their tale has made an impact on more lives than they could even imagine.

     I want to make something clear from the beginning. I have no education in Black history, iconography or culture. I am well aware that our economic, judicial, and even societal systems have been prejudiced against people of color for far too long and they desperately need to be overhauled, if not dismantled and rebuilt entirely. If anything, this movie is but one more example in media of the disparity in social justice. It may not reach everyone or affect them the same way, but it does provide a means to look into a culture that wants, needs and deserves more heroes and representation.

     This movie feels like an example of modern day mythology. Not in that the events that set off the story didn't happen, far from it. But that people see the events unfold and craft narratives from the aftermath. The media and police calls them criminals. Some people call them revolutionaries. Bokeem Woodbine's character, Queen's uncle Earl, jokingly declares them the new "Bonnie & Clyde." From outside perspectives, the pair have become infamous outlaws shirking the authority of a system that, often times, doesn't need an excuse to brutalize and oppress people of color.

     But as we travel with the perspective of both Queen and Slim, played with energy and real chemistry with Jodie Turner-Smith and Daniel Kaluuya, respectively, we find that they don't see themselves as icons or legends. The filmmakers remind us that these are scared shitless people who are trying to escape a bad situation. They constantly worry about being tracked down and caught, keeping one eye open almost at all times. Their journey only pausing in brief respites between stops on their way trying to flee the country. It's discussed that, had a twisted stroke of fate not interfered, they never would've gone on a second date. 

     The couple's unexpected and newfound notoriety spurs to action protests across the nation, particularly in a young man who makes a rash mistake, even if borne of genuine and deserved outrage. When Slim and Queen learn of this, they're shocked that their actions have led others to such ends. "We didn't want this" Queen protests when asked if they told the young man to take up arms against police officers. It showcases the unforeseen and tragic ways that people can take inspiration from people who've suffered legitimate injustices. Unfortunately, it's rushed along as the movie approaches its finale.

     By a technical standpoint (as much as I can tell, anyway),the tone of this movie sometimes takes wild and sharp turns from intensely serious to farcically comedic. There's a scene, right after a very scary showdown with a sheriff, where the leads go to a restaurant, pay a kid to go get them food, and when they are about to leave, run over the same child's father, who's talking them up as revolutionaries. All the while being taken to the hospital for the broken leg they caused. There's another scene where ErnestAs I had stated earlier, the last few minutes feel a bit rushed to getting into the climax. There's also pauses in the story that some might consider unnecessary, but I thought were at least decent character moments. I also found an interesting detail that despite the title, neither Ernest nor Angela are called Slim or Queen respectively. And we don't find out their birth names until the very end of the movie. But the film plays out in such a way that it almost doesn't matter.

     Legends aren't born, they are crafted by the hands of fate. When that happens, sometimes the only thing one can do is ride the wave, even when you know it'll crash violently against the rocks. And you hope you have a great tale for others to tell. It is through legends passed down through generations and the important lessons their lives teach that people truly are immortalized.

Frozen 2: Show Yourself Into The Sequel

     Three years have passed after Anna (Kristen Bell) and Elsa (Idina Menzel) reconciled and opened the gates of the castle to the people of Arendelle, the sisters celebrate Autumn with their subjects. But a mysterious voice calls out to Elsa. As she heeds the voice, the kingdom is besieged by elemental spirits who force the townspeople to flee town. Elsa and Anna must find out the connection of the voice with Elsa's powers and an enchanted forest to the north of Arendelle. Also Kristoff (Jonathan Groff) and Olaf (Josh Gad) come along.

     In the interest of full disclosure, I had not seen Frozen until this past Saturday in preparation for this movie and review. I'm glad I was able to go into this with fresh eyes and the previous film still fresh in my mind. That all having been said, I can say I get that why this IP has become as popular as it has. Even if its use of subverting conventional Disney tropes is a bit passe at this point, it is still an engaging, heart-warming story of sisterly love and learning to live without fear of others or of yourself. Frozen 2 shows that not everyone is strong enough to face their fears, but everyone has the capability of overcoming them if they are willing to.

     This time, we have songs about Autumn, being yourself, a Peter Ceterra-style power ballad about not knowing where you stand in a relationship, maturity, and so many more songs. If you like songs with a lot of musical numbers then Frozen 2 has more than its fill. I'd venture as far to say there's at least two too many. Elsa gets at least two big musical numbers, (Into The Unknown, Show Yourself) and they both feel important to the story on top of just being really good songs.

     The story this time around does expand the world of Arendelle somewhat, revealing an enchanted forest full of magical forest spirits and perhaps the secret behind Elsa's powers. We see that the conflict is not a particular villain they have to fight, which is pretty refreshing for a Disney movie, in my opinion, but the same enemy as before: fear. The entire theme of the story appears to be exploration and conquering fears of the unknown or that you don't readily understand.

     Watching both movies back to back, it occurs to me that the Frozen movies are, first and foremost, character movies. They focus more on the growing and developing relationships with Anna and Elsa and their respective friends circles. While Frozen was a bit more heavily focused on Anna repairing her bond with Elsa as well as finding what real love actually is, this time around Elsa gets the bulk of the heavy lifting with the onus of the story being how she gained her abilities as well as finding out more about her and Anna's parents.

     Kristoff and Olaf, for the first two acts, seem to simply tag along in order to remind us they're there, though Olaf's constant rambling about "water having memory" does provide some plot critical information later. Kristoff's only major contribution seems to be Lost In The Woods, the aforementioned 80's power ballad. It's a hilariously cheesy and over the top scene but I also get where he's coming from. He thinks highly of Anna and wants to propose but isn't quite able to get the words out properly, leading to, admittedly, groan-inducing misunderstandings between the two. He's a little insecure and unsure about himself because he finds himself struggling to keep up with someone who can challenge, if not surpass him. It's relatable but I don't think the movie really gets a chance to dig too deep into it.

     That's something of a flaw in Frozen 2. There's a rich, deep story beneath the glacier of potential, but the storytellers seemed to want to give us a small tidbit of it, not digging in too deeply into the world being built. We're introduced to the Northuldra, a Native American-esque tribe that resides in the enchanted forest and we're given virtually nothing about their history, their ancestry. All we're told is that they live in balance with nature, which is how some can commune with or harness the forest spirits. But once the mission is underway, them as well as Kristoff vanish for a good chunk of the movie.

     For the most part, I enjoyed Frozen 2, it's a good, logical continuation of the story of Anna and Elsa, changing from one status quo to the next. If I'm being honest, though, I'd either conclude the story here or maybe fast forward the story a few years. Or at the very least, explore the history of Arendelle a little bit more.

Special Thanksgiving Review!

On the morning after his 85th birthday, wealthy crime novelist Harlan Thrombey (Christopher Plummer) is found dead in his study of an apparent suicide. As the family grieves, Detective Lieutenant Elliot (Lakeith Stanfield) and State Trooper Wagner (Noah Seegan) question the bereaved family members in order to confirm their initial suspicions. Then enters private detective Benoit Blanc (Daniel Craig) to investigate the possibility of foul play. With the entire Thrombey family as possible suspects, the game is afoot.


     Knives Out director Rian Johnson stated a love for murder mysteries and it shows in this brilliantly complex but surprisingly straightforward whodunnit. There'll be no spoilers, but what I can say is that Johnson has crafted a puzzle so tightly written and meticulously put together it would make Agatha Christie proud. Johnson brings together an all-star ensemble cast putting on great performances all around, each player pulling off their characters with gusto and aplomb.

     The setting of a lone mansion out in an isolated field is nothing new for the murder mystery genre. One could say it's almost expected, especially if the manor has secret passageways and hidden rooms. There's even the eccentric private investigator whom the police call in to be the actual sleuth while they run errands and do some legwork. And ontop of all of that is a multitude of red herrings, each having their own motives and alibis for the time of death. But, as is usually the case, things are not as they appear to be. No detail is too minute, from prop knives to cases of mistaken identity both real and supposed Clue is mentioned in a funny throwaway line and the game GO is a game that Harlan liked to play with his nurse Marta, played by Ana De Armas.

     In the hands of a lesser creator, this could've been a mishmash of deceit, misdirection and fake outs. In my opinion, a good mystery is a story that gives the viewers everything they need to solve the mystery. It doesn't break its own rules or lie to the audience. It plays the game fair and square and lets you do the deducing and sleuthing alongside the gumshoe or protagonist. Here Rian Johnson plays around with the convention of the "gentleman sleuth" as Benoit Blanc's character is described as. Normally he'd be the focus, the character we spend the most time with. However, it's Ana De Armas's Marta on whom the film holds its focus. We go through her family life with her mother and sister as they live in a small apartment brownstone. We also see how she thinks on her feet and is able to outwit those who might do her harm.

     Another way that this film differs from the usual detective story is that the initial mystery is revealed early on. This sort of lulls the viewer into thinking this won't be a "whodunnit" but a "how will they get away with it." I know; that phrasing isn't as quick or punchy. In any case, There was well set-up tension all throughout the film as to how this person would succeed when everything seems to go against their favor. Every time they seemed to be in the clear, a new complication would occur, like trying to get rid of evidence, only for one of the family dogs to retrieve it like a game of fetch.

     The entire ensemble cast turned in great performances. Jamie Lee Curtis's Linda was a "keeping up appearances" uptight matriarch, Don Johnson were her doofus husband, Michael Shannon showed a slightly sinister side as the self-serving acting CEO of Harlan's publishing company. Toni Collette puts on her best "Karen" impersonation (the internet folks will get that) as Joni Thrombey, Harlan's daughter in law and a hippe-esque lifestyle guru. Joni and her daughter Meg, played by Katherine Langford, come off as the type of liberals who sound off on social injustices from the safety of their ivory towers but will turn as WASP-y as the rest of the clan if their livelihood is threatened. On the other side of the political spectrum, Jaeden Martell of the "IT" movies is given brief scenes as Walt's son Jacob, an avatar of online trolls, from whom Rian Johnson has experienced more than his fill of virtual vitriol. While Joni and Meg are shown as lacking the courage of their convictions, Jacob is outright mocked and made fun of. The Thrombeys are not nice people, except for maybe Harlan and his mother.

     Chris Evans is something of a show-stealer in his scenes as the arrogant, spoiled-rotten grandson Hugh "Ransom" Thrombey. He carries himself with an egotistical swagger sporting a sharp tongue and even sharper mind, despite never having made anything of himself. But it's Chris Evans's charm and sincerity that lets you look past the brash, immature, vulgar exterior to see glimpses of a good person underneath the playboy lifestyle. 


     Daniel Craig's Benoit Blanc is a true character right out of an Agatha Christie story. Delightfully eccentric, almost to the point of silliness but knows how to ask the right questions to get to the truth. When he finally hangs up the tux as Bond, Craig has another character he could easily turn into a franchise. Blanc is a throwback to Hercule Poirot in both method and inspiration. He didn't come off as a Holmesian type detective, or at least the ones that pass for it. Blanc isn't impossibly brilliant nor lacking in social skills or patience for courtesy. He was a gentleman sleuth through and through with a keen deductive mind. He never boasted about his brilliance like some geniuses in popular culture seem fond of doing, which was honestly refreshing.

     Knives Out  features a terrific ensemble cast, twists and turns that come right out of left field but don't insult the audience's intelligence, and some genuinely funny moments. I would definitely recommend everyone see this film as it is one of the best this year and I hope we get more like this from Rian Johnson, perhaps having Daniel Craig returning as Benoit Blanc to solve yet another oddball mystery of murder, intrigue and betrayal.

Parasite and The Quandry of Ethical Survival

     Ki-Woo (Choi Woo-Shik), has a plan to help his struggling family get out of poverty and the dirty, dingy semi-basement apartment they huddle together in. He plans to take over for his friend as an English tutor for tech company CEO Park Dong's (Lee Sun Kyun) daughter Da-Hye (Jung Ji-So). While there, he hatches a scheme to not only bring on his sister Ki-Jeong (Park So-Dam) as an art therapist for young Park Da-Song (Jung Hyoon-Jun), but his father Kim Ki-Taek (Song Kang-Ho) as Dong's personal driver and mother Chung-Sook (Jang Hye-Jin) as the housekeeper and maid of Dong's wife Choi Yo-Jeong. While the Kim family run their little collective hustle, events take a turn for the strange and things escalate to a shocking, brutal conclusion.

     Bong Joon-Ho's Parasite starts out as a kind of dark comedy, with a family on the brink of destitution while they struggle for work and are down on their luck. It's almost like the opening to Mickey And The Beanstalk with everyone huddled close together and trying to find something, anything to eat and get through the day. It'd be depressing if it weren't for the almost absurd ways they try to make money and keep their phones on through searching the house for a wi-fi signal and chasing away drunks who urinate near their window. So naturally, they'd jump at the chance at even the slightest hint of a better life when it's presented to them.

    It doesn't take long for this movie to remind me of Snowpiercer, Joon-Ho's 2013 drama about class warfare on a train rolling along a desolate planet Earth in a post apocalyptic future. The Kims, people of little opportunity and means try to climb up the ladder of success through any methods necessary. They hustle and manipulate to get some of the good fortune from those who have enjoyed an almost obscene amount of material wealth. The way they do this is ethically questionable at best, but such is the world they, and unfortunately we, live in where such methods become almost necessary to even make ends meet. The result of the cult of materialism and the bondage of modern capitalism.

    It's easy to see why this movie comes with this particular title. If anything it's pretty much on-the-nose. The Kims, in essence, feed off of the pay that the Parks give them for their work (unknowingly on the Parks's part) and then suddenly they realize that they aren't the only ones who've had this idea, or at the very least, aren't the only ones with problems dealing with their lot in life. Each family takes their turn privately looking down on the other, not recognizing the humanity in others, treating them as means to an end or as simple tools to use and discard on a whim.

     The film makes it a point to bring up young Da-Song's obsession with Native American (called Indian in the film) activities, culture and garb. Whether or not this is considered cultural appropriation is something that I am, admittedly, not educated enough to gauge, though I would say he seems particularly enamored with the watered-down "Americanized" version of it. It's entirely possible they consider it a phase of impressionable childhood fascination as one does. On the other hand, I think the inclusion of this character quirk is not just for "you little rascal" type shenanigans, but an explicit reminder of how anglo-centric cultures like majority white societies borrow or feed off of the cultures of others.

     Take the American settlers, for instance. Arriving on a land already settled by various Native American tribes. Little by little, they take and take and take until they begin to have this notion that what they have stolen was already theirs or that they deserve it more than those who have learned to balance their respect for nature with their need for consumption of food, shelter, etc; People do what they must to survive. Morality or even dignity often times don't factor into it. It simply is what it is. But it's when the bar for what constitutes "survival" raises higher and higher that one can question the morality behind the methods with any sort of authority. It's one thing for a poor man to steal a load of bread to avoid starvation. It's an entirely different thing for a billionaire to steal money from his own company for his own personal hoarding.

     Parasite doesn't try to make one family or group better than the other. All have their flaws and prejudices toward the other and engage in almost vicious condescension behind each other's backs. Park Dong constantly makes reference to Mr. Kim's raunchy stench, brought about by stink bugs introduced in the first scene. Mr .Kim repeatedly asks Mr. Park about loving his wife, to which the latter either blithely concedes or dismisses entirely.The characters constantly refer to Mrs. Park as "simple" and we get implications of Da-Hye having repeated affairs with her young English tutors. The Kims are benefiting off of the Park's wealth that Mr. Park has worked for. However, the disrespect the Parks have for Mr. Kim especially, weighs on Ki-Taek, as evidenced by multiple outbursts whenever his pride is wounded or he is insulted. He learns all too late that sometimes your dignity is the currency with which those who hire you want in trade.

     Envy and the feeling of want can drive people to unethical extremes and in our modern hyper-capitalist society that considers greed not just good but a necessity, it's its own parasitic nature that creates poverty for many, opportunities for few. Instead of trickling down like Regan promised in the 80's, capitalism, particularly for the top percentile of "job creators" and "billionaires" feeds itself like an economic ouroboros. It's a financial feedback loop that is unsustainable with prices ever swelling and less people being able to afford even basic needs. It's no wonder impoverished people turn to hustling or other less savory methods of making money simply to stay afloat. Those in need have little choice but to either take it for themselves or rely on the whims of those of means.

     We all have to consume to survive, whether it be food, resources for shelter and clothing, land, even simple pleasures. Some covet what others take for granted, and yet others squander abundance when spoiled for choice. Others think those who are without are the most free of all, unburdened by choice. There may truly be no such thing as ethical consumption under capitalism, especially today when the disparity between arbitrarily designated  "wage classes" is more severe than it has ever been.

But as the axiom goes, whatever helps you sleep at night.

The Lighthouse: All Work And No Play Makes Homer Something Something

The Lighthouse: All Work And No Pay Makes Homer Something Something

     Ephraim Winslow (Robert Pattinsion) takes a four weeks contract job with lighthouse wickie Thomas Wake (Willem Dafoe) at a New England lighthouse. During his time on the island, the young man is driven to the brink of madness by the repetition of his duties and the irritable company of Mr. Wake. Unfortunately, a storm delays the ferry that was meant to retrieve the two men, forcing them into a prolonged isolation that pushes them both over the edge. 

     If there's one thing you can give director Robert Eggers credit for, it's that he can make small period pieces look about as authentic as possible. The production value on this movie, as well as his previous film The VVitch, is astounding. The utensils, the weathered appearance of the cabin, the menial labor on display lend a particular verisimilitude to the experience. Eggers knows how to research a time period to give you as close to a clear picture as possible. The cinematography and film aspect ratio harkens back to older films, with the end credits calling the cast "players" which was a nice touch. It almost makes the film feel like a two-man play of sorts. 

     Speaking of, both Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe give terrific performances. Pattinson's Ephraim showing the weary, depressed, lonely mindscape of a young man running from past failures and Dafoe's Wake is a salty former sea captain who's so full of barnacles and bullshit that even Ephraim calls him out on his almost parodist portrayal. When the two men aren't drunkenly crooning sea chanties to each other and dancing like lunatics, they let out insults. One in particular delivered by Dafoe brings chills to the blood and cements his character firmly in the mind, regardless of his somewhat comical delivery and appearance. 

     The story starts out a bit slow, building its atmosphere with a patient hand, letting the audience figure things out through dialogue and context clues. On the first night, Ephraim finds a mermaid statue in the head of his cot. Hints at his backstory involving being a timberman or woodsman in Canada as he sees logs somehow floating on the ocean surface, giving way to the siren's call of a beautiful mermaid (played by Valeriia Karaman). It's also the first threads of the tapestry of his sanity fraying and becoming untangled. 

     From there it becomes a slog, both for Ephraim and for myself, watching him doing his repetitive duties day in, day out, with Wake barking orders in the young man's ear about shirking his responsibility. I'm not saying that it's boring, but it does convey the boredom Ephraim is suffering from, which works in the movie's favor. If I know anything, it's going to work day in and and day out and doing basically the same thing over and over with little deviation. And each day passes with Ephraim working diligently, though not without incident or complaint as when he insists he swabbed the floors. It's when the reality of his continued servitude and captivity sets in that things really pick up and take a turn for the insane. 

     It's never concrete on whether or not there's something supernatural afoot, even when Ephraim commits something of a bad luck faux pas for sailors. It could easily be chalked up to coincidence that the ferry coming to whisk them away was nowhere to be found and that's perfectly fitting with the downward spiral of Ephraim's mental state. Personally speaking, I think it's all in the unfortunate man's head. Fever dreams of a mind gone mad through the doldrums of duty. His only respite being the times he spends alone pleasuring himself or getting into nightly drunken encounters with Wake, the ever-demanding taskmaster, who throws in a sea-dog's version of a "damned millenial snowflake" speech near the end.

     The Lighthouse is an interesting watch if one doesn't mind the atmosphere of loneliness, depression and performative masculinity to the sacrifice of one's sense of self. The more head-tilting and visually distinct moments (such as when a person starts sprouting tentacles, is covered in barnacles with a crown made of coral or a mermaid with a human vagina for ease of "use") are momentary slaps of "WTF-ery" that punctuate a story of a man who just flat out took the wrong job and wasn't cut out for it, driving him bonkers.

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Joker Review: Sympathy For The Devil

Joker Review: Sympathy For The Devil

Arthur Fleck (Joaquin Phoenix) is a pitiful man with a condition in which he compulsively laughs until he can barely breathe. While living in a slum in 1980's Gotham City, he takes care of his eccentric mother Penny, who dreams of one day being taken care of by mayoral candidate Thomas Wayne (Brett Cullen). Every day, he goes to work as a party clown with aspirations of being a stand up comedian. Economic troubles, social unrest and his own mental anguish regarding himself, his past and the rising anger from the lower-income citizenry push Arthur into a downward spiral the effects of which not even his fevered mind could contemplate.

      This review has been something of a long time coming for me, personally.I'm not usually a big fan of villains. That's not to say I don't enjoy some villains (Rowena on Supernatural is a personal favorite of mine), but by and large when a character is a bad guy and the story needs me to dislike them, it doesn't take much prompting. But then you have stories where the villain is excruciatingly human and it's tough not to at least understand their motivations for their actions. I think that's the key factor to a good villain: motivation. Which is a steep mountain to climb when it comes to an iconic villain like The Joker.

     To call The self-proclaimed "Clown Prince of Crime" mercurial would be the grand-daddy of all understatements. His motivations change with nearly each appearance. One moment, he wants to sell fishes full of Joker-venom, the next, he wants to run for President. One time he wants to kill all of Batman's family and comrades, the next he's trying to ruin Jim Gordon's sanity.You never quite know what to expect when the gruesome grinning gangster shows up. Even when it comes to his backstory, he would "prefer it to be multiple choice." Which is pretty much at the heart of Joker.

     Let me be absolutely clear about this right now, Joaquin Phoenix gives a STELLAR performance. He puts his entire body and mind into this performance and completely owns each scene he's in. Phoenix looks like this role exacted a heavy toll on him portraying such an emaciated, pathetic figure. But at the same time, there's a dark, sinister foreboding bubbling under the surface. It gives an uneasy sense of menace to every scene he's in. Joaquin Phoenix's performance is worth the price of admission alone.

     One other mark of praise I will give the film is that the cinematography and gritty aesthetic of Gotham City were top notch. It evokes a dilapidated metropolis with the contrast of the bright lights of the rich and famous with the shadows and dim bleakness of the unprivileged and forgotten. Anyone who's seen Taxi Driver or King Of Comedy can see the influence of Scorsese dripping off of every frame of this movie. The lighting and colorization of each scene sets the tone it's meant to convey perfectly, from the darkness of Arthur and Penny watching Robert DeNiro's Murray Franklin, to the bright, vibrant bombast of Joker's "coming out" scene on the now famous staircase in The Bronx. This is a technically well-crafted movie, for whatever misgivings I may have.

     Having said all of that, this is a strange, depressing and often times uncomfortable movie to watch. The violence isn't excruciating or out of place, just abrupt and visceral. The hopelessness of economic inequality echoes the current strife of today's society with the subtlety of a sledgehammer lobotomy. As relatable as Arthur's situation can be to some, it doesn't distract from his less endearing qualities like making an entire relationship in his head about a woman he shared an elevator with and briefly stalked.

     Watching someone spiral into madness can be an intriguing experience, but it can also cause self-reflection. If we went through what Arthur endured in this movie, would we be any better or would we ourselves lose our minds? That's what the movie would like to ask, I'm sure. But it doesn't really bother to. I'd go as far to say this movie really doesn't have anything to say about anything. It's not trying to be a grand political statement about the downtrodden citizens rising up to overtake the privileged, because the main character doesn't really care about that. He just happens to relate to or come from similar situations as those who live in poverty and having their medical care cut in order for the rich and powerful to live high on the metaphorical hog.

     Another thing that the story seems to gloss over is the notion of reliable narration. Certain revelations about not only Arthur but particular interactions with other characters, namely Sophie, an apparent love interest (played by Zazie Beets), it's shown that our protagonist's view of the world isn't necessarily one we can simply take at face value. Even though it's not specifically narrated to us in voiceover (like in Taxi Driver one of the movie's clear artistic inspirations) we still see the world framed through Arthur's perspective. Which throws how people's interactions with Arthur into question. Even at the end, we're not quite sure if what we watched was even real, but then again, that's probably the most Joker-ish thing of all. 

     As something of a side note, I want to take a moment to laugh at the hand-wringing fear-mongering that the media tried to put forth about this movie being so violent, so insane, so horrible, that it would inspire incels or aggressive male douchebags into going on killing sprees. First of all, while popular culture is known for people missing the point of a story, someone who ends up shooting up any place usually was headed down that path anyway and it isn't the fault of a fictional felonious fool. Secondly, while Arthur does display creepy behavior, especially toward Sophie, he doesn't show a sense of entitlement, at least not towards her. His concerns and cares seem to stem more about his own well-being and what he can get. And third, all this movie has inspired as of the time of writing this article is a bunch of folks clogging up a stairway in The Bronx.

Now that's funny.

    

    

Scorsese, Marvel Movies, And You

Scorsese, Marvel Movies, And You

Photo source: Comicbook.com

Evelyn Beatrice Hall once wrote, in her 1906 work The Friends of Voltaire, "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." Fandom is a fickle, mercurial, and passionate mistress. We in "geek culture" hold the media we view in such high esteem and regard that any form of disagreement, alternate viewpoint or dismissal of it as something "less than" is, to some, considered a personal insult or an attack likened unto heresy or blasphemy. Internet flame wars rage between fans, arguing which version or "cut" of a particular film is superior to others. Fans verbally battling over who should be the one true pairing or OTP of a fictional character (without going into the lengthy but necessary discussion on LGBTQ representation or lack thereof in media). It's become so volatile that even broaching subjects to put forth an opinion at all, let alone an unpopular one, is now considered a "hot take."

     Enter prolific and Oscar-winning filmmaker Martin Scorsese. Hailed as a visionary auteur for his classic movies Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, The King of Comedy, Cape Fear, Casino, Goodfellas, The Departed, The Wolf of Wall Street, among many, many others. Countless aspiring screenwriters, directors, and filmmakers alike all look up to him as a  wellspring of cinematic knowledge. His stories are, if nothing else, undeniably human. From Travis Bickle's flawed and misguided view of the world in Taxi Driver to Leonardo DiCaprio's head-strong desire for money and notoriety in The Wolf of Wall Street, Scorsese knows how to make films about human drama in all its brutal, violent honesty. Despite the details of this paragraph, he really needs no introduction.

     In an October 2019 interview with Empire Magazine, Martin Scorsese spoke about the ever popular and ever profitable superhero film genre that has both made fans cheer and engorged movie studios wallets. "I don't see them," he said, "I tried, you know? But that's not cinema." The famous director then likened superhero movies, to which many attributed to meaning Marvel superhero movies, to be "theme parks." As per usual, the fandoms unloaded with both barrels. One side chastising the venerated filmmaker as a pretentious, out of touch film snob. Others defended Scorsese's comments, calling Marvel movies and superhero movies in general garbage or cinematic fast food, painting them as not worthy to be considered "true cinema" or "real movies."  

      This brings up the question, what is "true cinema?" Not to dive too deep into the etymology of the word, but it means basically "pictures that move." In a purely technical sense, all movies can qualify as "cinema." From Gone With The Wind to The Room, from Casablanca to The Emoji Movie. We often tend to, as flawed people, color our perspectives to the tune of our own personal tastes and preferences. Some folks will think movies like Scarface are "true cinema" in that they transcend their particular genre and speak about the human condition, in all its ugly verisimilitude. Others may look at it as a boring, overlong, needlessly violent screed on the evils of rampant ambition. Both viewpoints are individually valid.

      The conflict comes from taking our preferred tastes in medium (in this case, the kinds of movies we watch) as microcosms of our personalities and values as people. When someone calls a Marvel movie "utter garbage" or Citizen Kane "pretentious nonsense" or pick any horror movie as "vile, disgusting trash," we take it as a personal affront to our very being, or at the very least, an attempted shaming of what we enjoy as something "less than."

     I don't think Martin Scorsese is a "snob" for not liking genre movies or at least not liking the same kind of movies I like. He said he tried and it didn't work for him and that's all anyone can really ask of anyone else. But while I did find his comparison of superhero movies to theme parks a little bit dismissive, it was an apt metaphor in at least one regard, they engage the audience in an exciting and personal way and many people enjoy going to theme parks and riding the rides and experiencing some semblance of thrills, joy and excitement. It breaks up the monotony of their everyday lives and yes, provides an escape from the drudgery of the real world, even if for a couple of hours.

     Having said all of the above, his statement that "cinemas need to step up" is right in that folks do need to watch more than just the usual tights and fights fare. There are some pretty damn good dramatic or even independent films out there that deserve a lot more acclaim than they get. The Peanut Butter Falcon, which I reviewed earlier this year, was a delightful, warm dramatic film that I thoroughly enjoyed. There really is something for everyone out there if they're willing to look.

 
     According to IMDB, there's at least 10,000 movies currently released in 2019. Many of them aren't in theaters, going direct to video or TV or streaming. And even of that lesser amount, superhero movies take up multiple screenings. However, they're outnumbered by the majority of their contemporaries. I myself have watched more than my fair share of movies some would consider "true cinema" and found things to enjoy about them as well as things to criticize. Because that's what we do as viewers and especially as critics.

     Movies are meant to engage their audiences. They're meant to give back something to us for the time and money we've invested in viewing them. Whether it's a roller coaster ride of CGI action figures slamming into each other or a thoughtful character piece of a person slowly losing their mind to dementia or even a cheesy gore-filled slasher romp, if a movie engages with you, it's done it's job. Arguments can be made individually on whether or not it was a positive or negative experience, because art is subjective. It always has been. Not everyone will watch 2001: A Space Odyssey and see a masterpiece of film making. And guess what? That's okay.

      Captain America: Civil War doesn't have to be Taxi Driver. Shazam doesn't have to be The Godfather. The movies you like don't have to be like any other movie for you to enjoy them or consider them a quality cinematic experience. At the end of the day, no one can tell you what you like and what you think is a real movie or true cinema. That's something you have to decide for yourself. But can we at least not be condescending jerks to each other about it?

Hell In A Cell 2019 Review

 WWE Hell In A Cell 2019

or

Half These Matches Didn't Get Announced Until Today!

Natalya vs Lacey Evans

    

      After at least three previous encounters on RAW, once again we have a match between Lacey Evans and Natalya basically inflicted upon us. This slow, plodding, bore of a contest dragged on and on until we get Natalya mercifully making Lacey tap, making the score (for the two of you counting) at two a piece.

Rating: One Black and Yellow polka dotted outfit out of Five.


Sasha Banks vs Becky Lynch (C)- Hell In A Cell Match For The RAW Women's Championship

     In a stark contrast to the previous women's bout, this match started off fast and furious with a brawl outside of the Cell as the structure was lowering. Once the two warrior women got back inside the Cell it was a brutal affair; chairshots to the back, ladders to the face, meteora kneedrops to the ladder, slamming repeatedly into the crimson-colored chain-link cage walls. One particularly gnarly spot involved Sasha being propped up on a chair propped on kendo sticks in the corner of the cell, only to be dropkicked by Becky into the corner wall. After a devastating Bexploder suplex off the top rope onto a pile of chairs and a Dis-ArmHer, Becky retains once more. I think this should probably seal the deal for this feud, and Sasha's heel turn has not exactly been paying off in dividends for her. While I'm not wild about the finish, this was a great opening match and a brutal women's match.

Rating: Four Chairs set up by Kendo Sticks In The Corner out of Five


Daniel Bryan and Roman Reigns vs Luke Harper and Erick Rowan- Tag Team Tornado Match

     After a messy melee at the beginning of the match, it ended up turning into a bit of a slow, but well structured match as the veteran tag team Harper and Rowan would bludgeon Roman to then beat-down Bryan when they were finished.It does take a bit to get going, with some really long pauses while Rowan and Harper have control of the match. But once it gets going, it becomes a big more interesting. Especially when Bryan counters a powerbomb by flipping Harper off of the announce table while Roman runs across the other announce tables to spear Erick Rowan through the third and final table. After a Superman Punch/Running Knee/Spear combo, Reigns and Bryan prevail in a hard-hitting bout. Post-Match, Bryan and Roman hug it out and stumble their way back up the ramp.

Rating: Three Long Bushy Beards Out Of Five



Randy Orton vs Ali

     In one of four matches announced the day of Hell In A Cell, Randy Orton and Ali's match's build up was...a backstage segment earlier tonight where Randy Orton talked trash during Ali's interview. Such is the story with a good many matches tonight. It's a clash of styles as the slower, methodical malice of Orton faces off with the high-flying acrobatics of Ali. The story of this was Orton working the midsection of his smaller, faster opponent. Despite a few hope spots (including handstanding out of an RKO attempt) Ali eats an RKO and thanks for comin'. 

Rating: Two Gnarly Welts Across The Stomach Out Of Five. 



Asuka and Kairi Sane aka The Kabuki Warriors vs Alexa Bliss and Nikki Cross (C)- Women's Tag Title Match

     This match was a real mess. Another match that was put together an announced last minute, these four women have a bit of a clusterfuck of a match. The only interesting part came at the end where Asuka, harkening back to Tajiri and The Great Muta, sprays Nikki Cross with green mist. One spinning kick to the face later, it's all she wrote and we have new Women's Tag Champions. 

Rating: Muta 2.0 out of Five  



The OC (AJ Styles, Karl Anderson, Luke Gallows) vs The Viking Raiders and Braun Strowman

      Another match with very little build-up (aside from two matches between Anderson, Gallows and the Raiders on RAW) announced only hours before showtime, there isn't too much of a story aside from The OC's inability to solve The Viking Raiders. The match ends as abruptly as it was announced as the referee throws out the match when Gallows and Anderson, not legally tagged in, kicked Braun while he was down and ignored the official's orders. And then Braun lays out AJ Styles to set up his confrontation with boxer Tyson Fury. And we get a post-match of AJ Styles pretending to be concussed. Blegh. 

Rating: One Getting Of These Hands Out Of Five.  


King Baron Corbin vs Chad Gable

     Announced today but has had minor build up due to Gable losing to Corbin in the King Of The Ring tournament. After at least two cringe-worthy moments of short jokes, Corbin endures a withering opening volley from Gable before taking control. Say what you will about his wrestling ability, Corbin has a talent for making the fans hate his guts and wish he'd get hit by a barbed wire truck and land in a salt patch. Corey Graves doing the continuous short jokes and Greg Hamilton announcing Chad as "Shorty Gable" were definite points against this match, but Gable, as he tends to, puts on a stellar performance in a winning effort against his larger opponent.

Rating: Three Short Jokes That Were Never Funny Out Of Five



Charlotte Flair vs Bayley (C)- Smackdown Women's Title Match

     After R-Truth wins back the 24/7 Title from Tamina (Who won it from Carmella backstage earlier in the night), Bayley and Charlotte begin their match in earnest with Bayley showing her own dirty tricks. After trading shots working on each other's legs, Bayley ends up tapping out to Charlotte's Figure Eight leglock and left in a heap, screaming her frustrations and taking her anger out on the steel stairs and crying. Bayley's heel run has, so far, been pretty lackluster. I'm hoping her character gets something of an overhaul soon.

Rating: Two Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Temper Tantrums Out Of Five


"The Fiend" Bray Wyatt vs Seth Rollins (C)- Hell In A Cell Match For The WWE Universal Championship 

     Give Bray Watt credit, he knows how to make a character that's disturbing and nigh invincible. Taking hits with a kendo sticks like being hit with a wiffle bat, The Fiend looks like a beast as he throws Seth into the cage walls under the blood red lighting. Even when Seth puts him through a table and hitting him with his Stomp finisher, The Fiend gets right back up, almost immediately. The crowd turns HARD on Seth as he keeps hitting at least ten or more Stomps on The Fiend, who keeps getting back up and kicking out at a count of one. The Fiend's toughness seems to win the crowd over. Or it's just being hit with everything but the kitchen sink makes things a bit repetitive. And we have Seth laying a chair, a ladder, a toolbox piled on Bray's face, Seth slamming a sledgehammer ontop of the metallic pile was enough for the ref to call a disqualification. In a match that is typically no-disqualification.

     I get the story they want to tell here, Seth going to a dark place to try and put down The Fiend only for said Fiend to rise up (particularly after the match is thrown out and the medics come to put Bray on the stretcher. AEW chants rain down upon the proceedings like an angry storm from a justifiably pissed off crowd and I don't blame them one bit. A Mandible Claw, two Sister Abigail finishers and one more Mandible Claw post-match and we get strobe lights and woozy camera movements to make things all spoopy.

Rating:





Overall Grade:

Two Mountains Of Shit Out Of Five

     The beginning of the Pay-Per-View was hot as Hell, with a great opener and a really good follow up. But as soon as the matches with little to no build up started, the quality of the show went down drastically. The matches weren't technically bad or anything, there just was little to care about or get invested in, even for me, who watches RAW and Smackdown regularly. But the ending to that last Hell In A Cell Match is infuriating, I don't even care what the intent was. Instead of calling for a disqualification, call it a ref stoppage, or have The Fiend win. Clearly it was what the fans wanted, especially when Seth kept spamming his finisher and piling up tools and furniture on Bray's face. 

      Again, I get it, make The Fiend look unstoppable, make Seth look desperate, but you seriously couldn't just have the ref stop the damn match and have a post-match thing where The Fiend makes the lights go out and vanishes from the stretcher? You couldn't have done ANYTHING other than this utter incompetence? Why even have this match in Hell In A Cell (a match usually used to END feuds) as the first match of this story?

Match Of The Night

    

     By a wide margin, this match easily was the best of the night. Inventive in its brutality, hard-hitting, damn good all around from beginning to end, Becky and Sasha both gave stellar performances, beating the absolute hell out of each other in this war of attrition.

Ad Astra Review

Ad Astra Review

     In the not-too-distant future, anti-matter pulses are erupting from Neptune, causing power surges across the galaxy and resulting in the deaths of thousands on Earth. Space Command enlists Major Roy McBride (Brad Pitt) to communicate with an experiment called "The Lima Project," which was headed up by his father Clifford McBride (Tommy Lee Jones) and disappeared into deep space when Roy was sixteen. Now Roy must discover the connection behind The Lima Project and the dangerous pulse waves that threaten the entire galaxy.

     Disappointment layers itself throughout the two hour running time of this sci-fi flick. At least that's something of a theme that I sensed. We hear Roy give monologues about his marriage falling apart due to his distant behavior as well as his tedium with humanity and its inability to escape it flaws (consumerism, piracy, etc;). He later talks about his disappointment in his father never returning (despite emulating him in not just work ethic but in attitude towards others). He is further depressed by the notion that his superiors at Space Command are using him for nefarious purposes. And in the end, Roy's encounter with his father Clifford leads to one more heartbreaking disappointment. 

     It's not without reason that Roy feels so detached from humanity, which is a well-written indication of his characterization. Roy emulates his father, Clifford, a cold, distant man who seemed obsessed with proving the existence of non-human intelligent life to the exclusion of everything else. Roy most likely didn't have any sort of healthier alternative to deal with the trauma that his father's disappearance had had on his young psyche, so he did the only thing he could think of, become his father in just about every way possible; even to the point of becoming an astronaut and working on space stations. 

      It seemed at first that the narrow-minded viewpoints of Roy (and later we discover Clifford) are considered to be validated. Despite technological advances in science and especially space travel, humanity essentially brought all of its problems off-world. There are malls on the Moon, as we see a Subway and other corporate chains enjoying residence on a commercial moonbase that people affluent enough can afford to travel. There's even crime on the moon with scavengers roaming the surface to steal parts and kill any resistance to their goals. But then I think to myself, "that sounds utterly ridiculous." Not the moon mall part, I'd believe that capitalism and consumerism would grow rampant to the point where they'd want corporate chains paying for prime lunar real estate. 

     The film shows us Roy's perspective on the world and I'm not sure if we're supposed to agree with his viewpoint, at least where his less than positive opinions on human progress are concerned. And the world's not a flawless utopia, that's for certain. However the viewpoints of both Roy and Clifford are supposedly framed as both McBride men being either unable or unwilling to connect with other people. Brad Pitt gives a solid turn as a man who is learning how to be human after putting up what his character calls "a performance". He puts on a stoic face for the first half of the movie which begins cracking with each new revelation and he becomes further entrenched in the mission.

     Ad Astra is essentially Brad Pitt's character using isolation therapy to learn how to reconnect with humanity and work through his daddy issues. Honestly, the message of "We're all alone, so we're all we've got" isn't necessarily a bad message. But I think a better message would be "Even if we're not alone in the universe, it's no excuse to leave your loved ones behind." Tommy Lee Jones does not play a sympathetic character in this film. Clifford McBride is an asshole who bluntly tells his son he never gave a damn about him and would rather search for alien lifeforms than be a father to his child and a husband to his wife. 

     While I'm not a fan of the characters and the clunky way it handles the themes and messages, the movie is visually stunning and has some of the best space scenes I've ever witnessed. In the beginning, there's a harrowing scene of Brad Pitt's Roy falling to Earth from the space station he'd been working on. The perspective of falling from such a height was an intense opening sequence. There's even a brief (if entirely contrived) scene of a rescue attempt on a Norwegian space station that was a little bit disturbing despite the jump-scares in the scene. 

     Ad Astra is not a poorly made movie, far from it. It has a stellar (if miniscule) cast, and asks interesting questions about human progress, togetherness, and the virtues and necessity of being part of a community. However, it doesn't quite answer those questions as deftly as it might think, becoming little more than about a forty-year old boy learning how to become a man through deep space isolation and learning that his father is a murderous jackass.

WWE Clash Of Champions (2019)

WWE Clash Of Champions (2019)

     Coming from Charlotte, NC (aka The Queen City), Clash of Champions (The event where every championship title is on the line) has a long line-up to go through so let's bring you the recaps.

Lince Dorado vs Drew Gulak (c) vs Humberto Carillo- Triple Threat Match for The Cruiserweight Championship    

     This match was a nice showcase for all men involved. Drew Gulak showed caginess and guile versus his high-flying opponents. Dorado and Carillo executed excellent aerial acrobatics with Dorado hitting a pop-up dropkick on Carillo and Carillo hitting a moonsault on Dorado while the latter was on Gulak's shoulders. Though it looked like Carillo was about to grab the victory, Gulak's smarts help him win the day. 

Rating: Three "How Did He Not Break His Damn Fool Neck"s out of five.

AJ Styles (c) vs Cedric Alexander- United States Championship Match

     While the previous match was heavily competitive, this bout seemed much less so. It wasn't a squash by any means but AJ Styles had control over the majority of the match and his win over Cedric was pretty decisive and thorough. Cedric had two different flurries of offense but after a Styles Clash on the outside, a phenomenal forearm and a second Styles Clash, it was all she wrote for the young up and comer. Styles's pals the OC (Anderson and Gallows) came out to provide the post-match beating of Alexander, putting the exclamation point on a match that was, in my opinion, way too short. 

Rating: Two and a half Too Sweets out of five.

Seth Rollins and Braun Stroman (c) vs Robert Rood and Dolph Ziggler- RAW Tag Team Championship Match

      While I had my misgivings about this match basically taking four singles wrestlers and making a tag team championship match despite WWE's tag team division needing a desperate overhaul in terms of depth. All four men put in really good efforts, but I couldn't really get into this match. The outcome was predictable and as a set-up for the Universal Title match later tonight, seemed to make the RAW Tag Team Titles a perpetual afterthought. 

Rating: Two Gettings of These Hands out of five.

Bayley (c) vs Charlotte Flair- Smackdown Women's Championship Match

     If there were any doubts about Bayley's turn into full-blown heel-hood (is that a word?), I imagine they're all out the window by now if this match is anything to go by. Charlotte was cheered like a hero awaiting their reward for conquering the hypocritical hugger Bayley. The fans were firmly behind Charlotte despite her supposedly being a heel (though Charlotte is a native of Charlotte, NC so she gets a hometown pop). The match was completely one-sided which puzzled me until the ending where Bayley uses a dirty trick worthy of the Nature Boy himself to retain. It wasn't much of a match but in terms of story, it is interesting to see where it goes from here.

Rating: Two and a half loose turnbuckle pads out of five.

The New Day (Xavier Woods and Big E) (c) vs The Revival- Smackdown Tag Team Championship Match

     The Revival know how to be top heels, that's for certain. The story of the match was Xavier's injured knee and it did end up being a deciding factor with the downfall of the New Day. The in-ring action did its best to make it look exciting but the Revival seemed pretty dominant from beginning to end and especially at the very end with tormenting Xavier into tapping out to award the Smackdown Tag Titles to The Revival. 

Rating: Two Top Guys out of five. 

Alexa Bliis and Nikki Cross (c) vs Fire and Desire Sonya Deville andMandy Rose- Women's Tag Team Championship Match 

     Hearing Renee Young and Corey Graves bickering over each other was almost as distracting as the 24-7 title shenanigans that interrupted this match and were promptly never seen again tonight. Nikki Cross and Alexa Bliss's unlikely friendship and winning ways continue in a decent match with Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville. A couple of close calls made this a good competitive match though nothing really too special. 

Rating: Three Rainbow flags out of five. 

Shinsuke Nakamura w/ Sami Zayn (c) vs The Miz- Intetcontinental Championship Match 

      The build for this match has been on the back burner with Sami Zayn, the motormouthed muse for the wrestler known as The Artist, constantly getting one up on The Miz, who's been having just about the worst run of luck since his last face turn. Sadly for the Cleveland native, that run continues in a valiant but losing effort as Sami Zayn provides the distraction after Miz hit his finisher on Shinsuke. The two have decent chemistry and got good performances out of each other and that's not nothing. 

Rating: Three YEAH-OH's out of five. 

Becky Lynch (c) vs Sasha Banks- RAW Women's Championship Match 

     Dueling "Let's Go Becky" and "Let's Go Sasha" chants flood this match of two of the best women wrestlers in WWE. This was a much better match than Charlotte vs Bayley at least from an in-ring standpoint. The match takes a weird turn when Becky inadvertently decks the ref with a steel chair (which we later learn caused a disqualification). From there, Banks and Lynch battled up through the crowd, into the concourse where Becky poured mustard on Sasha. Fighting back into the arena, Becky took firm control with steel chair shots and a DisArmHer through the steel chair. Match of the Night so far. 

Rating: Three and a half condiments across the spine out of five. 

Kofi Kingston (c) vs Randy Orton- WWE Championship Match 

     While this match was better than their SummerSlam bout, this is one of the slower paced matches on the card and it does drag things down a bit. But in the case of a man trying to battle the odds and beat an age-old demon of his past, it tells a decent enough story. For weeks, The Apex Predator has been harassing and getting into the mind of the inspirational champion. Randy's arrogant posturing, calling Kofi a stupid undeserving champion, giving Kofi more to prove. Kofi manages to put in a good turn as a conquering hero, even if the fans in the audience were a bit lukewarm. Personally, I blame that on it being an Orton match. Overall a decent match but I'm hoping this feud has reached its apex, so to speak.

Rating: Two and a half Troubles In Paradise out of five. 

Roman Reigns vs Erick Rowan- No Disqualification Match

     There's nothing quite like a good old Hoss fight. Two big beefy men slugging it out and wrecking all of the shit along the way. While I wouldn't call this one a barn-burner, it was a pretty good brawl for the only non-title match on the card. Roman fought through a lot, getting hit with steel steps, a kendo stick, a trash can, and being put through at least two tables. Despite all of that, he kept getting back up because that's what he does. Enter Luke Harper; someone whom the dirt sheets had earlier stated the Vince McMahon and WWE didn't want to use. Surprising the entire crowd as well as myself with his his appearance, Harper and Rowan overwhelmed the Big Dog and it was all academic in the end. 

Rating: Three missing massive monstrous mallets out of five. 

Seth Rollins (c) vs Braun Stroman- WWE Universal Championship Match

      Conversely, there's something to be said about a good David vs Goliath match. Closing out the show that they opened, Seth Rollins and Braun Stroman definitely gave it a much better go with this match than in their Tag Title match (which, honestly doesn't speak well of how booking feels about the tag team division, but that's another topic for another time). Braun brutalized Seth with his power while Seth used his quickness to outmaneuver the Monster Among Men when he could. Braun looked like a beast taking Stomp after Stomp after Stomp and kicking out of each one before succumbing to a Pedigree and a fourth Stomp to stay down long enough for Seth to pick up the pin.  Seth didn't celebrate for long, however. Because The Fiend Bray Wyatt has sent out an invitation to Seth for a match at Hell In A Cell. He seals the invite with a Sister Abigail on the steel stage and a Mandible Claw to put Seth out for good as the show closes. 

Rating: Three Stomps That Braun Kicks Out Of...out of five. 

Overall Grade: 

Two And A Half Jib Cameras Used As A Bludgeoning Tool Out Of Five!

     While there were some good matches on the card (Becky and Sasha, Seth and Braun, The Cruiserweight Triple Threat and surprisingly enough Roman vs Rowan) this Pay Per View couldn't really kick it into that next gear. While this was a good enough WWE Event and by no means terrible or even all that bad, it doesn't quite clear the bar into very good or great. 

Match Of The Night Goes To 

     Becky and Sasha kept the fire burning throughout the match, brawling all through the crowd, although this could've done well with the No Disqualification stipulation added to it, it's not surprising they ended it with Becky accidentally beaning the ref with the steel chair, instigating said post-match fracas. The story isn't over with these two and I'm looking forward to seeing more.