Continuing her training in the ways of The Force with Leia (Carrie Fisher), Rey (Daisy Ridley) joins Finn (John Boyega) and Poe Dameron (Oscar Issacs) in trying to find a way to the Sith planet of Exagol, where sits a somehow still-alive Emperor Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid), who has conscripted Kylo Ren (Adam Driver) into doing his bidding by searching for and killing Rey, offering up a new fleet of planet-destroying ships as reward.
If this were a video, this would be the part where I let out a long, painful, weary sigh. I'd likely have my head in my hands and just let out one more deep, exhalation of frustration before going into my thoughts on this movie. I felt I had to go to see this movie twice in order to make sure I had all my ducks in a row when it came to presenting my arguments for how I feel the way I do about this movie. I honestly don't think I'll ever really be ready, but to hell with it. Here goes nothing.
Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker is an absolute mess. Imagine leaving a clean room behind, something someone could take and make good use of. You leave a pristine work of art behind, even if it may not be to everyone's liking. And the previous tenant comes back and decides to party like an old 80's rock band on its farewell tour. Full of sound and nostalgia that, while pretty to look at at times, leaves behind a disarrayed curtain call. You walk in and find the janitorial equivalent of a bomb going off. Scattered food all over the floor. An overturned couch. Underpants hanging on the lampshade. Paper plates full of what you hope are Spaghetti-O's smeared all over the walls and television set.
Originally, I didn't want to think this movie had used The Last Jedi as an outhouse when it came to its themes on "anyone can be a hero" and "you are not beholden to your lineage." But when you have Kylo Ren yammering about how Rey is Palpatine's granddaughter and having "his power," the case is tough to argue against. I won't say it inflamed my passions like it has many across the internet, but I understand the reasoning behind many detractor's gripes. JJ Abrams had a toy box full of good, working, perfectly fine characters to use and make a great story out of. He seemed content to just bring along a broken, busted old toy and make everything all about that. This is the biggest missed opportunity in franchise history. When you have the supposed finale of a forty-year-long story, you need to stick the landing. You need your A-game. Saying that this movie's writers brought their Z-game would be too generous.
I could sit here and add to the pile of nitpicks like "Who the hell would purposefully have a child with Palpatine" or "How did he build hundreds of thousands of ships manned by, one assumes, millions of people on one single planet over three decades" or even "When did Poe have time to be a Spice Runner?" Or go into the hackneyed tragic backstory of Rey's parents being killed by a Palpatine henchman after they sold her into slavery in secret (even if it was to protect her from the power-mad fuck, it's still wrong) because when it comes to Disney and dead parental units, this is the way. Being related to one of the galaxy's most vile and villainous mass murderers to ever breathe air is enough of a gut-punch, but learning your parents, who apparently weren't drunks according to the briefest of flashbacks, sold you into slavery only to be killed for hiding you in the first place?
Hey, future filmmakers! Want to make your two hour epic move by quickly? Edit the pacing of the story like a rabbit on meth! Sweet Buddha in a Buick, this movie moves way too fast. Literally lightspeed skipping from one scene to the next with very little time to breathe before we can even settle into the Macguffin hunt for little dark triangles that point the way to Exagol where Palpatine is hiding out, chilling with his massive army of planet-killing Star Destroyers, just announcing to everyone that he's back like a Twitch streamer that no one liked who had to take a break due to "personal reasons."
Before I go further, I want to talk about the things that I DID like about this movie because they do exist and I want to give credit where it's due. Daisy Ridley, John Boyega and Oscar Issacs have great chemistry together. I'm truly saddened it took two movies in a trilogy to finally get more Rey/Poe interactions. They argue like they're best friends or, if one was so inclined, a polyamorous relationship. I'd be fine with either scenario, really. The action scenes were well filmed, choreographed and exciting to look at. Star Wars does love its gigantic space battles that are actually decided by individual actions of space sorcerers instead of actual strategic planning. Babu Freek was a funny little marketable character to watch.
It was nice to see Billy Dee Williams return as Lando Calrissian and watching him in the cockpit of the Millenium Falcon at the climax. It was also nice to see Mark Hamill as Luke in a nice cameo role for one scene as Rey tries to exile herself for all of five minutes. And I always enjoy seeing Carrie Fisher onscreen. Due to her untimely demise in 2016, it's a miracle we got as much of her as we did in this film.
I liked the idea of other Stormtroopers leaving and defecting from The First Order to make their own settlement and help The Resistance. I wish they did more with that premise. Janna, while an interesting character, is given not much else except being put by Finn's side, which Kelly Marie Tran's Rose could've easily been placed and done just as much. That being said, we need much more WOC representation in science fiction and pop culture in general so it's not that big of a deal. Maybe they'll do something with the new characters like Janna, Babu Freek and Zorii Bliss. Be a shame if this is the only installment we see them in, given so little time to flesh out their stories.
Bringing back Palpatine and making him the end boss for the entire saga, especially given his demise at the end of Return of The Jedi, was the biggest mistake this film made. Especially when you make him Rey's grandfather. It robs Rey of her overcoming the feeling of being "no one from nothing." Even when it tries to go for the message of family not necessarily being blood, it stumbles and falls on its face into a row of tire spikes. The Peanut Butter Falcon did that theming a lot better. Also, making yet another old guy Kylo Ren's mentor, even going as far as hinting that Leia, through the force, influenced her son to turn back to the light just robs the character of any sense of agency and taints his attempted redemption arc, which is a whole other mess I don't have the energy to get into.
Writing this has caused me headaches, stress, and no end to disappointment. I wanted to like this movie. I really tried to like this movie. But the more I thought about it, the more I looked back on it, the more I found it lacking. Even trying to justify things in-story felt hollow to me because the story itself was shattered by trying to put a square peg in a round hole. After this, if it isn't something new or having to do with the excellent Disney+ series The Mandalorian, I am washing my hands of this whole mess and moving on to trying to watch better movies.
Happy New Year, everyone.
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